she takes plan B like it's going out of style
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
