dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
