I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
