The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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