just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My breasts were aching with rage.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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