Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
