Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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