Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
