"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
