I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
