wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just google imaged poop.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
