I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
