I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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