She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
