i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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