She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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