I am spending my child support on dildos
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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