I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
