Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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