do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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