Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you had me at cake vodka
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That accounts for only three of the penises
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
