i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
