i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think a kid would responsible me up
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
wow bdsm is so cute
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