Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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