You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
