It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
