please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
