What did we do last night that was yellow?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My breasts were aching with rage.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
