You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
