Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
