i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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