Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
