I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
