Only a mothe r could love this liver
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
