saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
