so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
