why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
