Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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