I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
