Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
accomplished twins. life is a go
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
