You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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