I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I AM VODKA MAN
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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