If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
