now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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