I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
