So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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