if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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