Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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