the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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