when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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