I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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