You smell like a Billy Joel song
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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