Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
