I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
