I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
