The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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