I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
