I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
