Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
