No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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