Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
