Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
