I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I deserve this hangover.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
