Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
