***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize