too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
