I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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