you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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