Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
