Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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