Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
