he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
