Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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