i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
