I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
