the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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